Author Topic: SUNDAY'S BEST  (Read 479 times)

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Puck

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SUNDAY'S BEST
« on: December 02, 2011, 05:31:33 PM »
Going to Church
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son  and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."
   
"Why not?" she  asked.
   
I'll  give you two good reasons," he said. "(1), they don't like me, and (2), I don't like them."
   
His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons  why you SHOULD go to church.  (1) You're 59 years old, and (2) you're the  pastor!"
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The  Picnic
   
A  Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the  town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.
         
"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing.  You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me,  Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try  it?"
         
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin,and said, "At your wedding."
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The Usher
         
An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the  door and helped her up the flight of steps, "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
         
"The front row please," she  answered.
         
"You really don't want to do that," the usher said  "The pastor is really boring."
         
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
   
"No." he said.
   
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
         
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
   
"No." she said.
   
"Good," he answered.
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Show and Tell

A  kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment.  Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class that represented their religion.

The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David."
         
The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary."
         
The third student got in up front of the class and said, "My name is Tommy. I am Baptist, and  this is a casserole."
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The Best Way  To Pray

A  priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the  best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.
         
"Kneeling  is definitely the best way to pray," the priest  said.
         
"No," said the minister. "I get the best results  standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."
         
"You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective  prayer position is lying down on the floor."
         
The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey,  fellas," he interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone  pole."
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Goat for Dinner
         
The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy  replied.
         
"Goat?"  replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"
         
"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom,  'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner."
To fish, or not to fish?  What a stupid question!